Calendar Calisthenics Redux

Ok, I've been given a lot of crap about my Calendar Calisthenics post. It wasn't intended to sound as whiny as apparently it did. Just another example of the perils of blogging. On the good side, I did get this hilarious commentary from a buddy of mine who's the CEO of a venture-backed startup -- this is his take on VC Calendar Calisthenics:

5:45am – Alarm clock. Pick up Blackberry from night-stand, fire off an email to portfolio company CEO to demonstrate "round-the-clock" vigilance. Go back to sleep.

8:30am – Wake up. Decide whether to have breakfast in the kitchen, dining room, sunroom, veranda, or gazebo. Have "breakfast meeting" with Rex and Fido.

9:45am – Drop child off at nursery school. Banter with child's teacher. Haha, that teacher doesn't make in a year what I spent in Lanai over New Year's. Wow. I haven't been to Hawaii in three months. Call assistant, re: technology conferences in Hawaii.

10:30am – Arrive at office, remark loudly that these breakfast meetings are killing you. It's been 'go, go, go' all year. The pace is killing you. Makes you wish it was 2002 again.

10:45am – Call CEO of semi-conductor portfolio company. Ask if he's considered building a Services component to his business.

11:45am – Damn. Late for lunch. Sometimes they run out of the olive bread at Il Fornaio. Gotta run. Thank god for the Carrera. That damn 545 didn't have any giddy-up.

1:15pm -- Call CRM portfolio company CEO, remind him that blogging is hot. Has he ever thought about Customer Support blogs? That'd be cool.

1:30pm – Oops. Late for meeting with entrepreneur looking for funding. Hee. Finish game of "Minesweeper".

1:45pm – Apologize for being late. It's been 'go, go, go' lately. The pace is killing me. Our firm is a little different... all of our partners were operators, so we know what it's like to run a company. We're pretty conservative investors here – we only put money to work where we can really make a difference and add some strategic value. We try to be respectful of your time, so we'll give you a "quick no" if this isn't something that interests us...

2:30pm – Wow. 15 voicemails from entrepreneurs. "What's the next step?" Why does everyone need to know what the "next" step is? I'll tell you what my next step is... out my office door to the lunchroom. Ooo. Blackberry Odwalla. I love Blackberry Odwalla. Note to self: have wife buy See's candy for the Office Manager who buys the juice next Christmas. Odwalla, Odwalla, Odwalla. I love Odwalla.

2:45pm – Shit. Sequoia has a term sheet out to Acme Intangibles. Find Associate. Why the hell didn't we look at Acme? That fucking company is hot. Instead, you bring me this piece of shit company in storage management? Christ. Goddamn Associates never see the big picture. Oooooo... The TED conference. When is TED? Gotta get into the Monterey Plaza. Margaret stuck me at the Marriott last year. How much did that suck?

3:15pm – Fax term sheet to Acme. Wonder what the hell they do? No worries. Those guys at Sequoia diligence the hell out of deals.

3:45pm – Isn't there any political candidate who still needs a fundraiser? How the hell did Gorenberg get Kerry? Stupid, stupid, stupid. Should've snagged Kerry back in December. What about the Senate? There must be a senator who needs electing.

4:15pm – Sharon Heights. Networking. Bob said the monthly dues are deductible, right? Bob rocks. Best accountant ever.

8:15pm – Sorry I'm late honey. It's been 'go, go, go' all year. Can't do this too much longer. Can Isabel stay late tonight to make some dinner?

Comments

[Bill]

"Haha, that teacher doesn't make in a year what I spent in Lanai over New Year's."

Maybe I missed the point of the entire article and this is suppose to be a joke, but what kind of value does your "buddy" put on his children. I gues he's too busy being a business "leader" and partying in Hawaii to worry about what his child's day care provider is teaching them.

Then again maybe it's me who is confused or overly sensitive over this "joke."

[Steve]

I gotta start filing this weblog under "Comedy" - this is the funniest thing i've read in a long time.

btw, you going to upgrade this to MT 3.0 or what?

[Andrew Anker]

I'm not going to move to MT 3.0 that quickly, I use some plug-ins and have made enough little hacks that it's going to take some work. Until the platform is more shaken down and the plug-ins start to migrate to the new architecture, I'm going to sit still on this.

[Alessandro Isolani]

Hilarious! Someone hire this guy as a comedy writer, quick! David, maybe you could star in the doccumentary version. You'd need to perfect your J. Peterman impression (a-la Sienfeld), but this is well within your range.

Odwalla, Odwalla, Odwalla. I love Odwalla.

ROTFL!

Alessandro

[vc_game_not_so_ez]

ExcerptedFrom: "Best Jokes Are Dangerous"...The Vonnegut Interview

Q: What do you think it takes to be a good man?

Vonnegut: Oh, I imagine you're born that way. But only some people find it in themselves. Some people - a lot of people - find it easy to be perfect. But most of us are only burdens. It's a short walk.

Q: There is a long string of self-deprecating humor that runs through all of your work. You've commented many times that you believe your books to be "merely collections of jokes." Do you think that sells them a bit short?

Vonnegut: No, not at all. I think jokes are a perfectly viable form of literature. Some critics take issue with me because I make my points and discuss my ideas with jokes, rather than with oceanic tragedy.

Q: Plenty of writers can do that.

Vonnegut: There's room for all of it. I just prefer the jokes. You pull them back and let them rip.

Q: But at least a couple times, I've been moved to tears by your books. The passage in Timequake when you discuss the last conversation you had with your first wife is devastating.

Vonnegut: Yeah. [Long pause] I got that right, didn't I?

Q: Perhaps hiding those moments between all of the jokes gives them particular impact.

Vonnegut: Well, the telling of jokes is an art of its own, and it always rises from some emotional threat. The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful. By the way, do you know the secret of telling a joke well?

Q: [Tries to answer, but he beats me to it]

Vonnegut: TIMING! [Laughs]

Q: See, that one wouldn't work so well on the page.

Vonnegut: Yeah, but I got control of your endocrine system. I had you there, didn't I? See, every successful joke - the ones you're going to get a belly laugh with - starts as a threat to someone or something. There was a salesman. His car broke down. He found a farmhouse nearby, and asked if he could spend the night there. The farmer says, "Yes, but you'll have to sleep with my daughter." See, that's just the set-up. But it gets peoples' endocrine systems. It's just a few words, but all kinds of things are happening.

Q: In the grander scheme of things, you may have lost position as the baby in your family, but you've still got a world of young readers to entertain.

Vonnegut: Well, do you know the one about the man who fell of the cliff? And on the way down, he happened to grab on to a very thin branch in the mountainside. Do you know this one - about praying to God because there was nobody else around? [Laughs] See, I've already threatened you. [Laughs] So this guy is finally praying to God. He says, "Please, God, help me out here. Tell me what I should do." And God says, "Hello, my son. I will help you. Just let go of the branch and I will see that you are safe." And the man cries out, "Isn't there anybody else up there I can talk to?" [Laughs] See how that works? Did you see that? I threatened you.

[blokop]

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